Adult Content Warning
You have entered a site intended for ADULTS ONLY. If you are under the age of 18, or if it is illegal to view such material in your community, please exit this site immediately. This site contains mature content including but not limited to; articles, discussions, pictures and other materials that some people may find offensive. If such materials offend you, please exit this site immediately.
Friday, October 20, 2017
A doctor in Duluth, Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.
He says to Ole, "Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients."
"Yes, sir!" answers Ole.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Ole, How was your day?"
Ole told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL."
"Bravo, mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir," says Ole.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the Doctor.
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her panties and lies down on the table and shouts: ‘HELP ME - I haven't seen a man in over two years!!’"
"Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole, What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"I put drops in her eyes!!"
You thought I was sending a dirty joke!! - NOT ME! (This was part of Jack’s email…not my note! You know me better.)
Remember - Keep Smiling - It makes people wonder what you're up to!!
Thursday, October 19, 2017
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA…FLOOR.
2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?
15. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
18. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
19. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
20. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
21. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
22. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
23. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
24. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
25. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
26. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
27. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
28. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
29. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
30. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
31. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?
32. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
33. WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS, 'GUIDE DOGS ONLY', THE DOGS CAN'T READ AND THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND?
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Monday, October 16, 2017
Have you ever heard your grandmother say, “Well, I Swan” and wondered why she was talking about aquatic fowl? Or described someone as living “high on the hog” but have no idea how the phrase came to mean “living well?”
We southerners are known for our funny turns of phrase. People of all cultures enjoy trying to figure out where we get our colorful phrases. We researched the origins of 15 popular southern phrases so that the next time someone asks, you can tell them the back story.
What’s your favorite southern phrase? If we missed it this time, we’ll try to get it on the next list.